RESPECT WOMEN, GIRLS, OTHER MEN AND OTHER BOYS

  • Acknowledge and value other points of view and value systems.
  • Support others, particularly those who are different from us, by appreciating and understanding them.
  • Insure there is mutual understanding and consent before touching anyone.

A man who respects women, girls, other men and other boys does not criticize or ridicule what other people think  or  say or do, or how they look or dress. He affirms others and graciously accepts no for an answer to his attempts for  emotional and/or physical intimacy.

 

USE POWER APPROPRIATELY

  • Be responsible for your own behavior and speech.
  • Avoid controlling and intimidating others, including ignoring physical and emotional boundaries.
  • Be aware of how your personal power, social/ financial status and privilege affects others.
  • Use power with others rather than power over others whenever possible.

A man who uses power appropriately accepts full responsibility for what he does and avoids blaming others. He does not bully. He does not try to control other people’s lives, coerce, intimidate or use violence to make others do what he wants. He seeks to enhance and support the personal and social power of the individuals with whom he is in a relationship.

 

RESOLVE CONFLICTS THROUGH NEGOTIATION AND NON-VIOLENCE

  • Strive to understand other’s points of view.
  • Be flexible and open to change.
  • Seek mutually satisfying resolutions.

A man who resolves conflicts through negotiation and non-violence tries to understand other people before expecting that he will be understood. He tries to work toward a resolution which promotes the interests of everyone involved in a conflict.

 

BE HONEST IN ALL DEALINGS

pHOTO: HJL ON fLICKR [cc by-nc 2.0]
  • Be truthful in relationships, activities and agreements.
  • Communicate honestly and have the courage to be vulnerable.

A man who is honest in all dealings says and does things which truly express his thoughts and feelings. He makes fair agreements and follows through on them. He is willing to let down his guard and be humble.

 

BE AN ENGAGED LISTENER

  • Listen completely, ask questions and acknowledge what is being said.
  • Resist the urge to fix every problem and know all the answers

A man who is an engaged listener listens with attention and empathy and acknowledges that he understands what has been communicated. Generally, he does not try to fix another person’s problems unless that person asks him to do so. He is open and interested in others’ opinions and can be flexible in expressing himself and modifying his opinions and beliefs.

 

BE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOURSELF

  • Know your strengths and limitations.
  • Persist purposefully to achieve your long term goals believing you can make a difference.
  • Recognize how your behavior is affected by outside influences, including media, ads and peer pressure.

A man who is responsible for himself recognizes what he can and cannot do, and when to ask for help from other people. He believes that he has the power and responsibility to make the world better and, he approaches life with passion and optimism. A responsible man is aware of the messages that encourage him to disrespect and dominate others. His masculinity is sustained by the values of mutual respect and positive interaction with his community.

 

BE RESPONSIBLE TO FAMILY, FRIENDS AND COMMUNITY

  • Admit and learn from your mistakes.
  • Work for fairness and justice on behalf of others.
  • Be an active parent or a positive role model for children, providing emotional, physical and financial support.

A man who is responsible to family, friends and community acknowledges and learns from his own mistakes. He is careful not to damage or take advantage of the people and property he encounters. He works to bring about justice and equality in his community. He cares for the most vulnerable in the community and fosters community support for young people.

 

USE COLLABORATIVE LEADERSHIP

  • Negotiate honestly.
  • Work as a team towards a goal.

A man who uses collaborative leadership works cooperatively with other people toward common goals and does not compete with them for attention, recognition, or power. He models the principles of good sportsmanship.

 

EXPRESS FEELINGS AND APPRECIATE AFFECTION

Photo: Denali National Park and Preserve [CC BY 2.0]
  • Learn to recognize and communicate feelings.
  • Value the feelings of others and be open to their affection.

A man who expresses feelings and appreciates affection seeks to understand how he feels, expresses his feelings with integrity and appreciates the feelings of others.

 

ENCOURAGE, MAINTAIN AND VALUE RELATIONSHIPS

  • Find purpose and strength in friendship.
  • Build trust & support and learning in relationships.
  • Share responsibility and decision making in relationships.

A man who encourages, maintains and values relationships seeks deep and lasting friendships, in which he finds meaning and strength for his life.

Adopted April, 2006

These Characteristics were drafted and refined for the Beyond Tough Guise (BTG) Project over a period of two years by a mixed gender group from the Winona community. Participants include individuals from:

Central United Methodist Church
Women’s Resource Center
Winona Area Public Schools
Central Lutheran Church
Faith Lutheran Church
Winona Council for Quality
Winona State University
St. Mary’s Catholic Parish
Winona County Collaborative
Unitarian Universalist Fellowship
St. Mary’s University

Comments or requests for additional information about Beyond Tough Guise or requests to receive multiple copies of a tri-fold brochure listing these Characteristics can be directed to Joe Morse. Click to email him: joemorse@beyondtoughguise.org